Fine line friends.

I’m in my car, driving down a clear, but very cold highway, on my way to work. I’m looking at the perfect circle the sun shows earth, as it tries desperately to escape the massive grey hues of clouds engulfing it’s light. I’m feeling blessed to witness such beauty at the prime of my day. Colbie Caillat’s version of Killing Me Softly is playing loudly to drown out any other thoughts that may come creeping in.

Pretty soon the grey part of the universe, the one which brings rain and snow, and icy sleet, captures the light, and my mind starts wandering to other places. I’m brought to yesterday’s conversation with my girlfriend, Jill. She confided in me a secret. It was a good secret, a thoughtful one, one which is possibly the only secret that’s ever truly meant love to me. Jill wrote and sent a thank you note to my doctor – the one who surgically removed the cancer from my body 4 years ago. Funny, she thought I’d be mad. Me mad? That’s preposterous 😉

But really, it was a beautiful thing to hear from the women I love so dearly. It was a token of her love for me, and also for my son-shine, and I was touched.

So this morning, as my mind drifts to other things and this beautiful secret I was made privy to, I begin to think about all my emotions that are tied to this one doctor – the one who will forever hold a place in my body, mind, heart, and spirit.

I remember my last appointment with her, this past December, and how I had “graduated” after 4 years, which means I no longer need to see her – not ever. She was dismissing me, and as I think deeply about how it hurt me, it becomes apparent that actually this pain and loss – it’s a completely rational feeling to have – the abandoned feeling, the loss of a person you hold so dear.

I go on to think about all the people in life who come and go, but as I continue to dwell in this, I realize that there are people who stay, and we continue to communicate with beyond the service they provide. I think about Katie, our hair stylist. She is amazing at what she does. I have her cell phone number, and we are FB “friends”. Are we really friends? No. But could we be? Yes.

This thought makes no sense. I have a relationship with the cool chic who does my hair, but not with the doctor who saved my life. Weird and super sad.

Not the best thought to wander to. Just leaves me with a heavy feeling.